Teen Wolf-Pilot-MTV June 5, 2011

For two hours last night, I actually watched the MTV Movie Awards. Really. Twenty years ago, the awards show was an edgy, tongue in cheek play on the Oscars, but tonight I found that the show has degenerated into one long sexual innuendo that focused mainly on male genitalia, its different states of arousal, and thanks to Jim Carrey, dog humping. Gads. Obviously, I don't watch MTV anymore and I just had  my reasons why reaffirmed.

Given the aforementioned, I was all the more leery as to what would be the primary focus of MTV's newest drama--highly promoted during the awards ceremony--called Teen Wolf. Like a car burning nitro, the plot raced forward with the male lead, Scott McCall (Tyler Posey) following his friend, Stiles (Dylan O'Brien) into the woods to look for the remaining half of a girl's body that was murdered earlier in the evening. Scott and Stiles are busted by Stiles' father, an officer out with a group of men searching for the killer. But Scott breaks away from the group and runs deeper into the woods. Suddenly a startled herd of all (???) male deer (they all had antlers) floors him in their haste. Scott rolls down a ravine and suddenly, there is *something animal* staring back at him. The creature charges, Scott is bitten, and although it's a deep gash, Scott doesn't visit the ER or even involve a parent. The curse begins, not just for Scott, but for this show.

The secret to making the supernatural believable to an audience is to spread it as a thin veneer over real life situations. After all, we're talking about normal humans faced with an abnormal situation. Teen Wolf knows not the word, subtle. Nope. The story hammers in so much action within an hour that the viewer is overwhelmed with numerous plot threads that fray in every direction. Whoever wrote the script must have ADD. I swear.

Examples: New girl in school becomes love interest immediately. New girl is threatened by the presence of the werewolf that gave Scott the gift of the bite--Derek (Tyler Hoechlin). Scott begins to change when the moon is waxing at 3 quarters and at a party, no less (no reason given). Scott escapes to his house where he learns that his soon-to-be main squeeze has been offered a ride home by the malicious, mysterious, angry, untrustworthy, dressed-like-a-hood Derek. Anyone know what a stereotype is when he or she sees one? *raises hand*

Aside from the evident drama, we watch Scott try out his new wolfie powers at school with his super sensitive hearing, vision, speed, and agility. Of course, he's into sports; this time around with our high school wolf, it's lacrosse. We also briefly spot a mother who obviously isn't involved the least bit in her son's life. The kid has no parental supervision at all.

Are you beginning to catch a trend? The show's direction isn't the least bit concerned about explanations, werewolf mythology, or any sort of solid foundation that is used as base for the various subplots. It's all spook house, boo-I-scared-you, oh-crap-what-now type of suspense. Another problem is the suspense never stops, even with the injected random acts of humor.

And yet, tonight I sit and watch the second show, just to see how badly the writers really are. So far, I'm not disappointed; just saw a bit on the were-myth and it's based on the original Wolf Man movie with Lon Chaney. Sure. Makes sense to me.

Let's talk transformation. Overall, the effects are not too shabby. No pulsating arms with hair pushed through the prosthesis. The camera angles shift fast; yellow contacts and false fingernails are worn. And ironically, Scott sports an Eddie Munster type widow's peak of hear (which is kind of cute). The kid hasn't made a complete transformation yet, either, which is one of the mysteries. The first episode gave us a glimpse of some shadowy creature with oddly shaped hind legs--small, but definitely neither wolf or human.

Almost forgot... the given comparison with Michael J. Fox's portrayal of the 1980's movie, Teen Wolf. There isn't any. Fox's character was more human than were and played the legend with astonishing panache and mucho campiness. We sympathized with his humorous situations and in the end, came to love his hirsuteness. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm comparing a movie to a tv series, but hey, if it takes that long to warm up to the male lead of the latter, I'll go rent the movie. Wait. I have it already. Well.

Teen Wolf is a great fantasy for high school kids locked into puberty, but for the more mature audience interested in seeing werewolfery combined with teenage angst (yes Virginia, there are some very intelligent high-schoolers out there), take your seat and plop it in front of  the Canadian masterpiece series, Ginger Snaps. You can't go wrong there.

PS Doesn't Scott look amazingly like the hottie, Jacob Black, in The Twilight Saga? Hmm...

Red Riding Hood (2011)

 "Under the Blood Moon, a man bitten is a man cursed!" 

You hear that sentiment echoing  in your head, as the characters shout it out in proper English again and again.Well. So what. He's cursed, he becomes a werewolf, he is shot and killed-movie over, right? Close enough. That phrase should be a warning to all that this is a movie cursed. Gads, but Red Riding Hood is such a hot mess that it'll take a while to explain just how badly.

The movie begins with wide vistas of craggy, snow covered peaks, dense, thorny forests, and a quaint village reminiscent of a setting normally seen in a fairy tale. Below in the woods, 'tis spring and crocus colorfully grows beneath two children, their attention rapt on a white bunny they capture. What???  Reality check. Let's face it... a white bunny in the wild wouldn't last day one of its little life, BUT it's a  fairy tale and I'm being too persnickety.Onward.

Time flies. Ten years pass and the children are grown and filled with lust for each other. Seriously. Valerie (Amanda Seyfried) is hot to trot for Peter, the woodcutter, but she has been promised to Henry, the village smithy. An aside: Amazingly, they are model perfect in appearance with expensive salon hair cuts and stylish clothing. Wow. Maybe this IS a fairy tale). On the verge of running away with Peter, the alarm sounds and the village discovers that the local werewolf has broken his pledge to refrain from murder, even though proper sacrifices have been made to the wolf. (Another aside: don't even bother with trying to understand how they made this bargain with a werewolf in the first place--hey, I'm curious, okay?). But no, the news comes in the form of Valerie's dead sister near the haystacks.

Along about here, a subplot is thrown into the mix. Valerie's mother who did not marry the man she loved, but came to love her husband and Val's dad (Billy Burke) who was arranged for her to marry. Then we find out that Val's mom was already preggers with her Val's older sister and Val's dad is NOT the real dad of sister #1. But, shhhhh.... don't mention it again, the mom intimates and so we mindlessly forget--or do we? Thinking again. Well, why do we need to know this, unless... AH!

... but I am not going to spoil the torture of you watching this movie to find out. Remember, endurance builds character. Yup. 

Enter Father Solomon (Gary Oldman), a corrupt religious who is hellbent to kill the wolf; he announces that during a full moon, a werewolf's bite can kill, but during a Blood Moon, the victim's very soul is at risk. It's so convenient that that night, for the first time in 13 years, there happens to be... yes, sports fans, a Blood Moon. Prior to Solomon's arrival, the simple townsfolk go off and kill a real wolf, thinking they've solved the problem, but Solomon warns them, even as these folk began to celebrate, that the real deal will make an appearance later that night and the real werewolf is someone in the little village. Sure enough, the wolf comes to kill a few, but then he does something really interesting.

The werewolf who looks suspiciously like Sam of the Quileute wolves in The Twilight Saga. He's big. He's black. He's downright fluffy. But he has eyes that shift from human to wolf and he talks, just like in the fairy tale. And borrowing from Vampire lore, he cannot step onto hallowed ground Geez. Very disappointing-especially when the wolf jumps. He's obviously CGI, but more so than any of the Twilight wolves. Sigh. He even kills fairly neatly in a manner that's more human than beast. But, back to the drama...

Valerie hears the wolf' speaking, while everyone else hears barks. Wow. And HE asks her to go away with him. Now, at this point, you're wondering, hmm... that's what Peter asks her at the beginning. Too simple. He can't be the werewolf. Nope. Keep looking for clues. Valerie doesn't leave, but the rebuffed were must leave when the sun rises. Solomon then decides to use Valerie as bait, and the rest of the movie endlessly (it seems) cycles characters connected to Valerie, laying down false trails in order to intimate someone's hidden identity. But if you figure in what doesn't belong in the flow of the plot, you'll easily know who the werewolf really is. I mean, geez... this ain't rocket science.

The lines of the original fairy tale are relegated to a dream sequence and the movie ends with Peter and Valerie still panting for one another. Gads. It's almost disgusting the way she looks at him; it's like she could devour him like some bawdy bar maid instead of the pristine virgin the movie attempts (but fails) to promote. So, folks, see this flick at your own peril, but if you do, don't bark at me because I did warn you.

Movie:

Werewolf:

The Monster Squad (1987)

Talk about your set of expectations... here I was anticipating a grueling 82 minutes, but I found it very hard NOT to like "The Monster Squad." Geared towards juveniles, this movie is just as great for adults; it is actually a great little comedy the family with older kids can sit and watch together. The movie begins like this: 

"One hundred years before this story begins, it was a time of darkness in Transylvania, a time when Dr Abraham Van Helsing and a small band of freedom fighters conspired to rid the world of vampires and monsters and to save mankind from the forces of eternal evil. They blew it."

 From that moment on, the laughs and fun come frequently through puns, innuendo, and outright sarcasm. 12 year old Sean Patrick and his best buddies, Patrick, Horace (Fat Kid), Rudy, Eugene, and Sean's younger sister, Phoebe (aka The Feeb) form the Monster Squad, once Patrick overhears that a man at his dad's police station claimed to be a werewolf., a mummy disappears from a museum, and he gets a call from a Mr. Alucard (nudge nudge) to buy his Van Helsing diary. The kids' imagination if fueled further once they have the "Scary German Guy" neighbor to translate that diary. 

According to that diary, every hundred years the amulet, which provides the checks and balances between good and evil, weakens, and if it is destroyed, evil will reign forever. However, the diary also provides a spell that opens a vortex into another dimension that will draw evil forces into it, but the spell must be read by a bona-fide virgin. The big clincher is that that 100 year point is coming TOMORROW NIGHT!

What follows next is a mad romp of monster and Monster Squad member mayhem. Although the viewer is immersed in a very unsubtle, predictable plot development, the jokes come flawlessly, each catching the viewer perfectly off his/her guard. Like little Eugene who wakes his dad to tell him that there is a monster in his closet. Sure enough, there IS a monster in his closet. The lines are corny, but the actors pull them off so seriously that you can't help but allow a giggle to escape.

Let's talk werewolves. Here's an image of what this movie had to offer:

Not too badly done-if you wanted a Hallowe'en type were; however, the jaws do not articulate, at least that I cam catch, and the actor's entire body has to move in order for the head to turn. This werewolf has no functioning neck! I expected more from Stan Winston, as this movie is post-John Landis, and we all know how he changed everyone's image of werewolfery. Actually, I think more attention is paid to Frankenstein's monster, as this beastly fellow certainly looks the part down to the green fingernails and too short clothing. In fact, the werewolf is more believable in his human form, as he attempts to save humanity with a quick call before he changes; in a sense, we get a dual treat as this guy switches from a Dr. Jekyll to a Mr. Hyde.But when the transformation occurs, this werewolf is just another fairly decent holiday costume parading across the screen.

Despite the fact that all monsters present are caricatures of themselves, the special effects are surprisingly well done for an 80's movie and great detail is paid to each setting. Very campy and very lighthearted entertainment to eat popcorn during.Warning: the kids curse like sailors, so your own little ones will have to either  cover their ears or be absent through certain parts. Adults of any age will love the memories of the old monster myths that this movie stirs, as well as the witty dialog a la smart kids who save the day. And yes, these monsters are wicked, but are they ALL, truly? You'll have to see it to find out.

Film Score:

Werewolf Score:

The 1st Review: 100 Years of Horror--Werewolves (1996)

I sat down today, anticipating a great horror film documentary on werewolves, but 20 minutes later, I was totally frustrated. I can't knock the great job of narration by Christopher Lee or the commentaries by Lon Chaney, Jr.'s grandson or Ralph Bellamy. In fact, those nice touches were what made the documentary for me.

However, saying all that, I found that the choices for a celluloid history on werewolves was spotty, at best. Sure, you have the first werewolf talkie, "Werewolf of London," mentioned, as well as "The Wolfman" and the subsequent wolfie sequels ("House of Frankenstein," etc.), but after color makes its debut on movie screens, the documentary limps, then falls flat. Yes, "An American Werewolf in London" is mentioned, and "The Howling," but only briefly. No sudden horn blowing on how great movie magic made werewolves come to life in later years or even how movies affected the were-legends.

Considering that this documentary was made in 1996, I expected more, but I came away with a whole lot of nothing. Novices to horror flicks may find their initial interests piqued with this series, as they may not be aware of some of the less than mainstream flicks, but true fans will be wholly annoyed.

Documentary Score: